Gal Girl Y!
by UndeadOrpheus
Summary: Everyone hates Mary-Sues. But what happens when the universe she's inserted into fights back? She may be drop-dead gorgeous and super powerful, but nothing will stand between Zero and his love. Rated T for mild language and extreme silliness.
1. Prologue: The New Hunter

**Gal-Girl Y**

A Megaman X fic by Undead Orpheus

**DISCLAIMER WARNING!** I do not own Megaman, Capcom, or any intelligent killer robots. I'm sure Capcom does, though...otherwise why would I have to write this? Also, I do not own the rights to 'Dude Looks Like a Lady' or 'Girls Just Want To Have Fun'. They are owned by Aerosmith and Cyndi Lauper, respectively. I also suspect both parties to _be_ killer robots.

**A/N:** Hoorah! The very first adventure of Gal-Girl! Just so everyone knows, this isn't meant to be taken _too_ seriously. I'm a hardcore Megaman X fan, so I'm bashing with love.

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Prologue- The New Hunter

The year is 21xx. Sigma was defeated, and X had won the annual talent show with his rendition of 'Dude Looks Like a Lady'. All seemed peaceful, but who was X kidding? Sigma doesn't just have his 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' performance shot down by some antiquated retard that had already blown him up eight times! No, X would be made to pay. He wasn't sure when or how, but it would be done...

...and most likely with some crazy Reploid's half-baked take-over-the-world scheme...and eight robot masters.

/\ \/ /\ \/ /\

Two weeks later, X and Zero were called into Hunter HQ. Apparently, they were being assigned a new teammate, as Axl had conveniently vanished. As they strolled to Signas' office, X was blithering on about his hatred of battle. Zero was all but dry humping his leg.

"Zero, a new teammate means a new assignment. That means we'll have to fight! Fighting is wrong, don't you think?" X turned his head to look at his now-trailing comrade. Zero's glazed stare was fixated on the bottom half of X's armor. "Zero?"

"Yeah, real bad." was Zero's only mumbled response. X often caught him staring...there, and wondered if he possessed some upgrade down...there...Zero was looking to pick up. Or maybe he noticed a defect X had missed.

"Hurry up, we're going to be late," X said over his shoulder, and hurried towards Signas' door. Zero stopped for a second, then cursed his maker for not making him anatomically correct. _Oh well, _he thought to himself, _there are upgrades for that anyway._ He started for the door.

X walked into the maverick-hunter commander's office, and was immediately tackled by a rushing pink blur. "OH MY GOD, YOU'RE X! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET TO WORK WITH YOU! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN BLAH BLAH-DE-BLAH..." and an explosion of words too fast for X to comprehend poured from her for the next minute or so. She had pink armor, with cat ears on the helmet of all things, and a red plaid school-girl skirt. She looked like the humans that modeled for what were referred to as dirty magazines. Her hair was bright purple, and her eyes were red. Her style made her seem simultaneously innocent and trampy. As her full lips rambled on about him, X cursed his maker for making _him_ anatomically correct. Fearing embarrassment, he sat down in a nearby chair. Zero sat next to him, staring daggers at the bitch.

When she finally ran out of things to say (or the energy to say them), Signas introduced the rabid Reploid fangurl. "This is..." He read from her file, "what does this say? Gal-Girl? Y?" he smirked. "All right, this is Gal-Girl Y. She's one of the newest model Reploids. She can fly, she's basically invulnerable, and she has cannons in all the right places"

_Signas wasn't kidding_, X thought.

"Gal-Girl, you already know X. This is Zero, former captain of Unit Zero, and famous A-rank hunter."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir" Gal-Girl offered her hand to Zero. He couldn't help but notice when she smiled the lighting seemed to give her perfect body an ambient glow. He _hated_ her for it. He contemplated hissing at her and running up a curtain, but X was in the room, and he wanted to maintain his usual macho/surfer composure.

"Same here," he managed to snarl at her without being too much of a queen. "Now that we're all acquainted, what's the assignment, boss?"

Signas brought up what appeared to be some sort of massive shopping mall on his holo-projector. "This is Amazing Savings, the largest retail outlet for Reploids in existence. Recently, we've noticed a correlation between Reploids shopping at certain locations in the mall, and those who go maverick. Alia will brief you with the specifics in mission control. You are to infiltrate the mall, via the Starbucks in the food court, and do re-con on the suspected stores. You also are to have a meeting with the mall supervisor, Magicianmancer."

X couldn't help but ask. "Magician...mancer, sir?" he stuttered.

"I don't assign names, so don't ask me. Just get out there and see what Gal-Girl's bazooms—I mean bazookas are made of."

"Sir!" they all stated with a salute before leaving. Signas wasn't sure, but he thought Zero tried to trip Gal-Girl on the way out. Signas had the fastest CPU in existence, and wondered if Zero really thought he was fooling anybody.

/\ \/ /\ \/ /\

Ta-Dah! What awaits Gal-Girl, and the maverick hunters at Amazing Savings? Who is Magicianmancer, and why is his name so silly? Will X realize both his cohorts want to get a little more...shall we say, user-friendly? You'll have to wait for chapter two to find out if it's more than they bargained for!


	2. The First Cut Is The Deepest

**Gal-Girl Y**

A Megaman X fanfic by UndeadOrpheus

**DISCLAIMER WARNING!** I do not own Megaman, Capcom, or Amazing Savings, should it still exist. I thought a suit case nuke and some vials of flesh eating bacteria would do the trick...but I digress. I also don't own Hot Topic, though I wouldn't mind if I did.

**A/N:** Whee! Chapter One commences. Our Reploid platoon delves into the dangers of a robot shopping mall. Will they survive the ploys of the possibly maverick Magicianmancer? Will either Gal-Girl or Zero get some from X? Which evil robot masters will appear? Who knows, it's a fucking party!

/\ \/ /\ \/ /\

Chapter1: The First Cut Is The Deepest

X and company arrived at Mission Control, with no serious incident. For some reason, Gal-Girl Y kept tripping. Alia greeted the team. "Well, I believe introductions are in order. I'm Alia, your navigator for most missions. And you are?"

"Gal-Girl Y, ma'am. At your service!" Gal-Girl exclaimed loudly, with an over the top salute.

Alia's eye twitched momentarily at the 'ma'am' remark, and said, "Alia will be fine," barely hiding her rage. "I will be beaming you into the food court of Amazing Savings. From there, you'll need to go about two miles north—"

"I'm sorry, did you just say _miles_?" Gal-girl interrupted.

"..._Yes._ Two miles north until you reach Blood Bath and Beyond. We believe the store is being used as a cover for some maverick activities. You'll—"

Again, Gal Girl Y cut off Alia. "What kind of Maverick activities?"

Alia's patience broke at that moment. "You know what? This is my day off! I really just don't need this shit! And I am _not_ old enough to be called ma'am, you little bitch!" She stormed off, muttering "Fucking wear pink armor to my command room, on the same day I am, little snatch!" X and Zero stared at the now closed door of the room, dumbfounded.

"What the fuck just happened?" Zero asked.

"I guess it's her time of the month." Gal-Girl replied.

X looked even more confused by the statement. "What do you mean time of the month?" X had to ask.

"Well," Gal Girl started, "Guy-bots and girl-bots are different. Once a month, girl-bots have to defrag their programs. It isn't a pretty process. Your chassis gets all bloated, and you leak transmission fluid for like a week!"

"From where—" X began again, but Zero hit him upside his head. The horror rose in Zero's eyes from pondering the same question.

"Let's just get to the damned mall in one piece. You take Port One..._Y. _X and me will take Port Two," Zero stated.

"Why can't I go with you?" Gal-Girl pleaded, with sad, puppy-dog eyes. Zero responded with a sneer, suppressed the urge to claw her eyes out while giving her a big 'You don't _know_ me!' speech, and dragged X to the beaming port.

/\ \/ /\ \/ /\

X and Zero arrived first. With Zero's coercion, they started ahead of their other comrade. "But shouldn't we wait for her?" X asked Zero, but he just assured X that she'd catch up. He stopped to buy X cotton candy too. _Zero is such a sweet guy_, X thought to himself, wondering how he could repay his friend for the kindness. They _were_ in a mall, after all. After the first mile and a half, two photo booths worth of pictures, and a heart shaped pendant that X just assumed was the representation of their friendship, Gal-Girl caught up.

"What the _hell_, Zero! Do you know how confusing this mall is? I might have never found my way to you and X! I was so worried you were in trouble, X, so bought an upgrade for my rocket boosters and flew here as fast as I could. Is everything all right?" asked Gal-Girl, with her best pouty-yet-concerned face. Zero barely stopped his plasma blade from running her through the back.

"Lets just go. We're almost there," X replied, confused by Gal-Girl's attention being almost met by a gruesome dismantling. They arrived at Bloodbath and Beyond.

X almost questioned the accuracy of the store's maverick targeting, until the bath-pillow display opened fire on them. The customers didn't seem to notice, or get hit for that matter. The girl at the perfume counter morphed into a giant missile turret and the maverick hunters found themselves pinned between the towel shelves and a single Ronco rotisserie grill on clearance. The grill didn't last long, but the towel shelves surprisingly held up to the salvo.

X was about to begin his assault on the bath-pillows, when Gal-Girl jumped into the fray, surrounded by sparkles and glossy light. A missile was rebounded of of one of the sparkles, killing the bath-pillow display. "I wouldn't fire on my super MS shield. It repels all projectile attacks." The perfume-turret stopped. Apparently she wished this was one of the days she used her leftover sick time. Gal-Girl couldn't really tell, as the counter girl was currently a giant faceless death-weapon.

"Fire super MS cannons!" Gal-Girl cried. And then the top of her armor hatched up, and X almost let loose some transmission fluid in the bottom half of _his_ armor. Her undercarriage fired two giant missiles—which annihilated the counter-turret, the whole Tupperware section, and all of of the knick-knacks...thankfully before they were able to mobilize. There was only one other door besides the entrance. X decided to save the glitter defense questions for after the mission, and lead the team to the back-room of the store.

What on earth do you think you're doing?" The apparent proprietor of the store half-asked, half-demanded. He was about two and a half feet tall, and most of his armor was wrapped in black vinyl. He also wore a gas mask, and a name tag that said: NECROCIDE LEMMING-MANAGER. When ol' Necrocide saw who his disgruntled customers were, he muttered, "Oh shit." He proceeded to lob gas grenades at the Maverick Hunters. Gal-Girl, being an MS model of Reploid, was immune to all gas based weapons, but not X and Zero.

"Why even bother...there's no point trying to win anyway. Life's just _sooo _dark, you know?" X said depressingly.

"I know, life's just like this black abyss you can't help but be swallowed up by," was Zero's now incredibly emo response. While they lamented the horrors of teenage existence, Gal-Girl used her MS Sexy-Wink-Death-Beam at Necrocide Lemming. The beam blew a hole straight through to Hot Topic, and also causing Necrocide Lemming to crumble into hot ash.

"You got Emo-Bomb!" was announced by nobody at all, and everyone got a new weapon, as well as the Emo status lifted. Nobody seemed to notice anything happened. Then a dog-inspired Reploid whose armor seemed to be made entirely of random blades came through the hole. Her name-tag said: RAZOR BITCH.

"Do you know how long it took me to clean up back here before you blew the fucking wall to pieces? I'm _so_ getting written up for this, you fucking _bastards_!" She then proceeded to run, blades a-swingin', at Gal-Girl. Gal-Girl ran like hell, as apparently her glitter _only _repelled projectiles.

"BWAHHH!" was her only response as she fled from...well, the bitch. X, however, was prepared. He through an Emo-Bomb at the psycho blade-dog. Once the gas cloud made contact, Razor Bitch didn't stand a chance.

"Why is everything so sad? Why do kittens have to grow old and die! My 401k just tanked and nobody thinks I'm pretty! Is it because of my dog-face? Am I fat? I can't take it anymore!" Razor Bitch said before cutting herself to death with...herself.

Before anyone could say anything no one in particular said "You got Bitch-Slap!" Just before the inane questions started, Zero hit the recall beacon, and beamed everyone back to Maverick Hunter HQ.

/\ \/ /\ \/ /\

Well, this concludes another chapter in the **epic **Gal-Girl Y saga! Will the team ever meet Magicianmancer? Will Zero take advantage of Gal-Girl's melee weakness? Will the writer make any sense? Stay tuned...


	3. As Axl Rose

**DISCLAIMER WARNING!** I do not own Megaman, Capcom, Amazing Savings, Magic the Gathering, magic in general, or any stores I'm bound to spoof. I also don't own, nor have any knowledge of, sentient robot life. So STOP TRYING TO KILL ME!!

**A/N:** Welcome back! Another deranged and implausible adventure awaits Gal-Girl Y and her cohorts. Magicianmancer makes an appearance, maybe. The trio delves into an evil robot shopping mall, AGAIN! Enjoy.

Chapter Two: As Axl Rose

\/\/\/\/\/

Covered in chunks of reploid, globs of hot topic hair dye, and bath-pillow bits, Gal-Girl, and company, beamed into Signas' office. A guest was sitting at the desk as well. . All that was visible was the bottom half of his feline face, the rest was concealed under a long black cloak. _I wonder who that is? _X and Gal-Girl thought together. _It's totally Sigma, _Zero thought to himself. The guest got up, shook Signas' hand, glared momentarily at the party, and moved to the door. The words Amazing Savings Security were written on the back of the cloak. He muttered something unintelligible, and poofed away in a puff of smoke. Everyone stared in disbelief for a moment, and then turned theif confused faces toward Signas, who knew apparently knew what the fuck was going on here.

"Yeah, I looked like that when he came in. That was occult Lynx. He's head of the security at Amazing Savings, as well of the owner of the mall's GameStop. He holds Magic the Gathering tournaments there too," Signas said, hoping to abate their confusion. He was wrong.

"Why was he here? What did he want!" exclaimed Zero, shocked the base could be infiltrated by a mere mall cop!

"How did he breach the defenses?" Gal-Girl asked, in a noticeable panic.

"What the hell is Magic the Gathering!" X stated, oblivious to the obvious wrongs of the situation, though no less frenzied than anyone else.

"Calm down people!" Signas said(unaware of the irony there), "That was no ordinary Reploid, and we have no idea how he got in, or what he's capable of. Allegedly, all he wanted was to apologize for any trouble you suffered in your last trip to the mall and give you three five hundred Bits in mall credit, each. You can't help but wonder why he didn't use a legitimate way to do so, but hey! At least he didn't ban you from the mall for obliterating two stores the last trip. Any way, though it's obviously a trap, we need to know what they're scheming! Bring Double this time, too. He's been bugging the crap outta me to get some field experience, and another target never hurts right?" Signas finished.

"You can't be serious? Double? Not only is he fat, but he has no weapon except grenades! Do _you_ want to be in that store? And he appeared in like, one mission!" Zero whined to his commander.

"I didn't know he used grenades." X stated blandly.

" Neither did I," said Signas. He turned to the intercom, "Come in Double." In walked a stout, incredibly fat reploid in bloated brown on yellow was a whole head shorter than X, he wore what seemed to be a football helmet, and his straining belt had glowing red capsules on it, that appeared to be the grenades Zero referred to.

"Sir!" saluted the obese robot in a wheezing high-pitched voice. _Who makes a fat reploid? _X thought to himself. _Robots should be practically built, for power and stamina. He looks like he couldn't walk a flight of stairs, let alone fight. Fighting is wrong._ Double wobbled over to the team. "It's a pleasure to work with you X, sir! Zero, sir! And…" His eyes fell upon Gal-Girl Y, and then he fell to the floor. Then he rolled into Signas' desk, knocking almost everything onto Signas, including the files pertaining to the mission, Signas' bonzai tree, and a picture of a Vacuum Reploid with the caption 'Life Sucks'. Signas eye began to twitch not unlike Alia's, and Zero and X decided to drag Double out of his office before all hell broke loose. He regained consciousness at the teleporter room.

\/\/\/\/\/

"Alright guys and gals," X started, "We apparently won't be bothered this time in, so we're starting at the top floor this time. We have a meeting with the mall owner. Lets go." Despite Zero's protestations, all three members of the original team had to cram into on tele-pod, as Double needed all the space in the other. They arrived at the Misses Fields' cookie kiosk.

"I'll catch up later guys," Double half said, and half drooled, as the aroma of carbs and calories inexplicably drew the robot into it's chocolate chip clutches. X, suspecting a trap, shot a Bitch Slap at the kiosk. A giant bladed hand back-handed the shop, and it's employee, into a pile of cookie dough, reploid scrap, and chocolate chips. Double looked like his new puppyloid just died. They continued on until they reached the owner's office, located near a slew of occult stores, a Sharper Image, and a GameStop. The receptionist greeted them.

"Hello, maverick-hunters, Magicianmancer will be with you shortly. If you need anything don't hesitate to ask," she then smiled, and promptly left the room. Some hospitality! Ten long minutes later, she returned to X reading a copy of 'Teeneloid Beat', and Gal-Girl and Zero asleep on one another. Apparently Double had taken the opportunity to salvage what he could from the cookie wreckage. "Magicianmancer will see you now." Zero woke up with Gal-Girl on him. Then he hissed and ran up the curtains, knocking her out of her chair. X contained a laugh, and after Zero and Y composed themselves, the stepped into an empty office. Then a circle of seemingly nonsense writing appeared on the floor, and in a flash, what looked like a cheap party magician stood before him. His armor resembled a bright purple tuxedo, complete with a top hat and green cummerbund. His black cape had 'Magicianmancer' written in purple and green all over the inside and outside, and he had a four foot magician wand, with an aperture sight on it.

"Welcome to Amazing Savings, where all of the savings amaze!" He said to the group.

"Thank you," X started, "I'm X, From maverick hunter HQ. We need to ask you a few questions, pertaining to suspected wrong doing in your mall, as well as why we were attacked earlier."

"Of course, of course! But first why don't you introduce your friends, for your friends need introduction?" Magicianmancer asked, while pulling multi-colored scarves out of his jacket pocket.

"…Right," X said, confused as hell by the mall owner's eccentric actions, and speech pattern, "This is Zero, and this is Gal-Girl Y. Now about-"

Magicianmancer interrupted, "Gal Girl Y, hmm? You wouldn't happen to be a M-S model reploid? From Mary-Sue Inc.? Hmm, Gal-Girl Y?"

"Well…yes, but I don't see what that has to do-" Gal-Girl attempted to say before the mall owner stopped her as well.

"Aha I say! Say I, AHA!" He then took off his hat, and pulled a smoke bomb out, blinding the party. The heard him exit through the reception area, and went after redundant reploid. The receptionist stopped them, now dual wielding pistols. She wore black and gray armor with red stripes, She had red hair poke from under her helmet, and a cross cut scar on her face. X couldn't shake the feeling he knew her from somewhere. Zero's face turned into a grimace of horror when he placed the face.

"Oh my god! AXL?" Zero queried the gun toting she-bot. X's face change to match Zero's upon this revelation.

"I was once called that, but then Magicianmancer showed me who I really was! I was a woman-bot, trapped in a man-bot's body! Now I just feel right, you know? Magicianmancer even lets me be the assistant in his act. You can call me, Mistress-Man!" She, he, whatever, punctuated her statement by opening fire. Gal-Girl took a shot to the torso, and her chest became that of a man-bot! Her exclamation of shock was deep and masculine, and she now only possessed one can, you can imagine where. Doubles took this opportunity to walk in smeared with chocolate, see Gal-Guy and Mistress-Man, and walked right back out. He also dropped his now activated grenade belt, forcing everyone to run like hell for the door. The resultant explosion took out the entire office, the head-shop next-door, and half of Sharper Image. Zero and X hid behind Double, as the two tranny-bots duked it out. There was a great deal of slapping and hair pulling involved. Zero was jealous, but then remembered his last power upgrade.

"Take this you trans-gender whackos! Bitchu Surapu!" After his pseudo-Japanese battle cry his sword became a giant energy pimp-hand, complete with baby powder, with which he tried to crush the confused fighters. Gal-guy dodged. Axl/Mistress-Man didn't. Though s/he didn't die, she went to a nearby corner to make Zero his money. X found himself blushing at the display. _Apparently Mistress man's power had a radial effect, _X thought. Nobody at all said "YOU GOT GENDER BENDER!" He used it on Gal-Guy, making her Gal-Girl again. She tanked him by tackling him to the ground with a smothering hug.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you…" said Gal-Girl, until Zero Bitch-Slapped her onto the corner across from Mistress-Man's. Then the manager of Sharper image walked outside, with a surface-to-air missile launcher on his back. His name tag said: _Nuclear Wombat. _

"Alright, what the fuck is going on?" He inquired, training his rocket missile pack on X, and Zero. He resembled a squat koala with tiny ears, or a wombat, with tubes of green radioactive slime connecting in random places. The things around him seemed to melt from his presence. He also wore thick framed glasses, and a pocket protector. X suddenly had an idea. He shot himself and Zero with a blast of Gender Bender. Zero shrieked in utter terror, then X lifted up his and Zero's chassis. Nuclear Wombat went, well , nuclear, at the sight of the indecent display. Zero lost an arm, and the team lost Double completely to the holocaust, though nobody seemed to mind.

"You got Nuclear Missile" Mr. Random-voice said, anticlimactically. X shot Xero back to normal, then himself. Zero suddenly hugged X to the ground, tears streaming.

"Don't you ever do that again! I felt _so_ dirty!" He squealed. He then checked himself to see that everything was back in place. He checked X too. X didn't know if it was an after effect of the Gender Bender, but he _really _didn't mind his friends attention

\/\/\/\/\/

How could it get any worse? How much money have Gal-Girl and Mistress-Man man made? Will X ever find out what Magic the Gathering is? Stay tuned!


End file.
